Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
