Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
