I think my fart just growled at me.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
