There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
