At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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