It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
