my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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