I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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