And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
