in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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