Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
