So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
