Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
