If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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