I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Randomize
