I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
