They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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