My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
