I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
