Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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