u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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