now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
