i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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