Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize