you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i would punch a child for taco bell
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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