P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think people are normalizing furries
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