And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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