Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I want a musical about memes.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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