maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
