Cold hands, warm shart.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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