I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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