If that was your dad, he is hot
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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