but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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