i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the condom got lost in my hair
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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