please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
