Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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