dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
