What a fucking waste of an outfit
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
