Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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