Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize