omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
