This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
