Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
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I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
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I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
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