Non-Jews are for practice
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
