Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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