There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
