I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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