If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
