i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
