____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
