I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
