NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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