Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
