I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
