our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
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