he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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