batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
there is glitter all over my balls
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
