I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
