nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
