the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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