oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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