If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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