The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
