Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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