you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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