okay pat passed out under dana's car
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
