Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
