i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
