i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
