I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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