"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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