Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
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Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
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I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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