Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
