A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
